Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Where did the children go?

The day has come that you have been waiting for
- the children are grown and moved out!

Hoo Ha!!  Right?
Or maybe not.

Jan is feeling the first twinges with the empty nest, or in her case the slowly
emptying nest syndrome.
"It's natural for a parent to feel some sadness when children leave home.
Indeed, it’s normal to have a little weep now and again – or even go into the absent child's bedroom and sit there for a while in an attempt to feel closer to him or her."
Yikes! There is even a help line, in case you by chance go into a serious depression. See what children can do to us? First they wreck our luscious young bodies, and then after it is all over there is chance of drifting into a depression. Maybe it is just a delayed reaction - you know to the positive pregnancy test tests. Let's hope that doesn't happen - onward we charge.

 Daughter #1 is in Australia - seems so far away, even with Skype - hard to go for the usual pedicures other than in person. Yes we could try, but is - just not the same.

Her eldest son has married and left to setup house with his bride now for over a year, and there are 3 other children still at home. The advent of the first 2 has made Jan feel the tug at the apron strings and heart. Yes, she wants them to grow up and be productive and self reliant individuals. And yes, she has been looking forward to having house and home to self and husband again. BUT ... why is there such a heaviness in her heart. It is like missing your best friend, only worse.

Yep, I did experience this as well, and watch as other friends now are starting the empty nest syndrome - and see the forlorn looks, and holding back tears, and constant checking of text messages and Facebook for just in case 'she posts something'. It is similar to going through withdrawal after a love affair breakup. The loneliness feeling and longing - for just one more hug, or one more chance for her to be the little girl again. As yes we hoped for this day, some more than others
- especially through the teenage years
- "Please if there is a god in heaven, let these children grow-up and move out now!"
But ... We didn't really mean it. Just a wee bit longer to have them as children.

We used to add the Baileys to the coffee to bolster our nerves due to the children bouncing off the walls - now we add it to dull our emotions. And we slump.

PING  -- Jan scrambles to find her Blackberry (it slipped into couch during the slump) ... and ...

Darleen: Hey how are you today? Very exciting that E is in Australia!!

Pfft ... yeah sure it is a riot. But better put on the happy face.
Jan: yes very exciting. I am sad about but good for her.

Darleen: Sad? Remember it is not about you - it is her life now. But yes, I recall that feeling.

Ahh she is remembering .. and yes I know I moved far away from my mother at age 21 - who am I to talk. But that was different. Isn't it?
Jan: Yes. Just seems like she might never return.

Darleen: Well... she may not, but I think she will. But it is a good excuse for you to plan a trip to Australia. I know - still hard. Give yourself time - but you gotta release her. xxoo

ahh yes - release. BUT I DON'T WANT TO!!  NOT YET!!

uhuh ... Been there ... and the worst is that they do return. Not the fact that they return is the worst. The worst is that they leave after thrilling us with a short visit, temporary stay while new place is getting in order - and then leave - AGAIN! Just when we were getting used to them being there again ... GONE!

In my case the delight of grandchildren is softening the children having the indecency to growup. It helps - in fact it helps a lot. Not all of us are lucky to have grandchildren, or are often far away - due to the dang children moving away.

So now we have grand-parenting by Skype!
Hoo Ha!!

And they wonder why we mumble a lot as we age .
Pass the Baileys ...please ..

...darleen & jan

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