Friday, July 16, 2010

The Grass is Always Greener on Other Side .. maybe?

On Top of the Mountain - where is the happiness?

So, we achieve our goal - reaching the mountain top, and feel not happiness but letdown. Why?
Are we hopeless? Nothing will make us happy?

You know what I am referring to - acing an exam, finishing a novel, getting the job that we upgraded our skills to achieve - getting any job for that matter, getting married, having children (there is no return - I did check), etc, etc. It has been said that - "life is always greener on the other side", so if we are single, we often feel that if married we would be happier, but when become married, feel that being single is where it is at (baby). Partly this may be certain those of us, forget or have not managed to enjoy the moments. Enjoy the NOW. Be Grateful. uhuh ...

What's next? After achieving one goal, be sure to set another 
By NANCY CHURNIN / The Dallas Morning News

"There's a lot of joy, but you also get this feeling of letdown under the happy, like when you've had the last slice of cake and the last cookie. It was good, but you realize it's never going to happen again." 

"People build up for things, and the body reacts," says Dr. Don Hafer, a neuropsychologist at Presbyterian Hospital of Dallas. "We call it a fight-or-flight response. It can be a positive stress, like getting ready for a vacation, getting ready for a wedding, getting ready for finals, waiting online at midnight to buy Harry Potter. You're putting all this energy and effort into it, then, right after the event, any medical conditions you might have, such as migraines, will be exacerbated." 

 'What am I supposed to do next?' feelings.

"Dr. Keith Ablow, a Boston psychiatrist and author of Living the Truth : Transform Your Life Through the Power of Insight and Honesty (Little Brown, $26), advises a twofold strategy for dealing with these common feelings.

First, he distinguishes between short-term and long-term goals.
"If your goal is to win a tennis match, expand it into a longer goal of perfecting your game. If your goal is to make a million dollars, think about the pages that come next in your story, or you'll have a sense of being lost."
Next, he urges people to slow down and ask themselves whether they are rushing from one short-term goal to another as a way of avoiding other pressing emotional needs. "

Ok - sounds easy. Simple. 

  1.  Enjoy your success - enjoying the moment of NOW
  2.  If you are 'grass is always greener' person - pick a side and stick with it.
  3.   Plan for your NEXT goals to avoid letdown feelings.
The grass is always greener! But choose a side, enjoy the present and stick to your choice - this will bring you a feeling of content and happiness, rather than constantly wanting to upgrade or change for the 'other side of fence is actually better syndrome'. Obviously there are some situations that are bad decisions. Fix those. But getting married to a wonderful person was your dream, and even when he annoys you, and the Old Spice Guy looks a whole lot better - really you must realize you are in the right place. And your guy can smell like the Old Spice Guy.

...darleen & jan

No comments:

Post a Comment